A Mother's Grief, 3 weeks later

I wrote this poem about a month after Eli died. It describes how a part of me died when Eli passed away. It tells how I am still me, but broken, devastated and weak. Once you lose a child you can never be quite the same as you were before. There will still be days when you feel joy, but there will always be an underlying sadness that your child will never be with you again on this earth. 

Please excuse me for awhile, I need to catch my breath.

I have not felt quite myself, since my baby’s death.

A heart once happy, and filled with great joy;

Has now become sad since I lost my baby boy.

Don’t try to fix me, change me, or fill me with cheer.

For I have said goodbye to someone I hold dear.

Don’t tell me to get over it, or to move on.

Imagine how you’d feel if you lost your son.

I may shed a few tears; my eyes may grow dim.

When I hear a song that reminds me of him.

I may fall apart when I hear a baby cry;

Because my baby is gone and I don’t know why.

Some days are sunny, and you may see me smile.

This doesn’t mean I am fine; no, not for awhile.

Some days are dark; I have cried my eyes red.

Some days I struggle to get myself out of bed.

Don’t say “You can try for a baby again,”

When I am trying to heal from this terrible pain.

One child can never take the place of another,

And I know this for sure because I am his mother.

Tell me that you love me; keep me in your prayers.

Let me know that if I need you, you will be there.

Give me a hug if you want, or just let things be.

I understand if it is hard for you to be around me.

Have I changed from the person you once used to know?

It’s me, but I’m grieving and need to take things slow.

There may come a day when I will learn to thrive.

But for now, I need to learn how to survive.

Don’t worry about me, I am going to be fine.

I am just missing Eli, sweet baby of mine.

I have lost some of my joy, and you just might find

That I will get better, just give me some time.