What to say when someone has lost a baby
I have already written a "What not to say post". Here are some things that people have said to me, and other things that I wish were said to me, also some ideas of how to help someone who is grieving.
1. " You love your son so much, I can tell you are a good mom."
A few of my friends have said this to me, and it means a lot.
2. Don't forget about us on Mother's Day.
Yes, it is a difficult day, but if you are the type of person who wishes other people "Happy Mother's Day," Let us know that you are thinking of us too.
3. Ask to see a picture of Eli.
I know I have already posted pictures of Eli on my blog. Prior to this, two of my aunts and my sister-in-law asked to see a picture of him, just as people would ask me if he was living today.
4. Talk about Eli.
Mention his name. Say that he looked like his parents. Remember his birthday, and little things about him. Talking about a child who has died will not make his/her Mom sad, because trust me, Mom is thinking about her child at all times. We want to know that our children will be remembered.
5. "I am thinking of you, praying for you. I wish you didn't have to go through this."
You really can't go wrong by saying something as simple as this to me.
6. Instead of saying, "Let me know if there is anything I can do," offer to do something. Several of my friends made meals for me, brought flowers, cards, and even gave us money to help toward funeral expenses. No one had to ask me if they could do anything, because they seemed
to know what to do already. We are so blessed to have such kind friends and family.
7. Offer to come over for a visit. There were days when I didn't have the energy to leave the house, but I really could have used company. A friend from church stopped in one day after Eli died and brought us lunch. We spent some time singing hymns around the piano and it was so encouraging.
8. Helping out with tasks. I was fortunate to have my Dad, sister, and aunt with us after I came home from the hospital. They helped out with laundry, dishes, and meals. My aunt even scrubbed our kitchen floors for us! I didn't have a baby at home to take care of, but I still had the recovery process to go through and I wasn't able to do certain tasks, like cleaning out the tub or anything that involved a lot of lifting.
9. Try to understand that there will be times when I do need to be alone, and that is ok.
10. Do not avoid a grieving parent because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Even if you can't think of the perfect words to say, remember that I was your friend before Eli died, and I want to keep your friendship now. You still mean a lot to me.
1. " You love your son so much, I can tell you are a good mom."
A few of my friends have said this to me, and it means a lot.
2. Don't forget about us on Mother's Day.
Yes, it is a difficult day, but if you are the type of person who wishes other people "Happy Mother's Day," Let us know that you are thinking of us too.
3. Ask to see a picture of Eli.
I know I have already posted pictures of Eli on my blog. Prior to this, two of my aunts and my sister-in-law asked to see a picture of him, just as people would ask me if he was living today.
4. Talk about Eli.
Mention his name. Say that he looked like his parents. Remember his birthday, and little things about him. Talking about a child who has died will not make his/her Mom sad, because trust me, Mom is thinking about her child at all times. We want to know that our children will be remembered.
5. "I am thinking of you, praying for you. I wish you didn't have to go through this."
You really can't go wrong by saying something as simple as this to me.
6. Instead of saying, "Let me know if there is anything I can do," offer to do something. Several of my friends made meals for me, brought flowers, cards, and even gave us money to help toward funeral expenses. No one had to ask me if they could do anything, because they seemed
to know what to do already. We are so blessed to have such kind friends and family.
7. Offer to come over for a visit. There were days when I didn't have the energy to leave the house, but I really could have used company. A friend from church stopped in one day after Eli died and brought us lunch. We spent some time singing hymns around the piano and it was so encouraging.
8. Helping out with tasks. I was fortunate to have my Dad, sister, and aunt with us after I came home from the hospital. They helped out with laundry, dishes, and meals. My aunt even scrubbed our kitchen floors for us! I didn't have a baby at home to take care of, but I still had the recovery process to go through and I wasn't able to do certain tasks, like cleaning out the tub or anything that involved a lot of lifting.
9. Try to understand that there will be times when I do need to be alone, and that is ok.
10. Do not avoid a grieving parent because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Even if you can't think of the perfect words to say, remember that I was your friend before Eli died, and I want to keep your friendship now. You still mean a lot to me.
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