To my friends with new babies
Dear Mommas,
I see you. I sense the happiness and joy you exude, and have every right to that joy. You have given birth to life, or you have opened up your home to a new baby by adoption. Each of these situations makes you a mother.
Don't think I have not seen your facebook posts; I have. If I do not comment on your posts, it is because I can't. If I have not asked to hold your baby; it is because I can't. If I have had to unfollow you on social media, it isn't because I don't love you. It isn't because I begrudge you this time with your precious little one. He or she is to be celebrated! I simply can not see little babies that would be Eli's age today. It is too painful. Somedays I might be ok, some days I am not.
You probably do not understand where I am coming from, and that is a good thing because it means you have never had to say goodbye to your baby or bury one of your children.
If I decline an invitation to your baby shower, it isn't because I am not happy for you. You are my friend and I wish you well. I simply know my own limits. I know that sitting in a room full of women talking about a living baby for 2 or 3 hours would crush me. I know that all of the games, gifts and decorations will be a trigger. Instantly I would be taken back to April 24th, the day my baby died and I had to lock up all of the baby clothes and toys we had bought for him. We had to close the door to his nursery that had just been painted 3 days prior. A baby shower would be an instant reminder of my own baby shower that had to be cancelled three weeks early due to my Eli passing away. Baby showers in general are something that I have to avoid.
I would gladly buy you a gift for your little one if there was something you needed. I will be there for you if you need to talk to someone, but certain things are not possible for me at this point in time.
Do not feel guilty that your little one has lived. Do not feel ashamed to show your love for your baby in front of me. That love is natural and beautiful.
I would never wish a stillbirth on anyone, so I am very happy that you didn't have to experience this.
Yes, you are my friend, yes I still love you. You are important to me, but there is a part of me that will never be the same, and I hope you can understand.
From one Momma to another,
Heidi
I see you. I sense the happiness and joy you exude, and have every right to that joy. You have given birth to life, or you have opened up your home to a new baby by adoption. Each of these situations makes you a mother.
Don't think I have not seen your facebook posts; I have. If I do not comment on your posts, it is because I can't. If I have not asked to hold your baby; it is because I can't. If I have had to unfollow you on social media, it isn't because I don't love you. It isn't because I begrudge you this time with your precious little one. He or she is to be celebrated! I simply can not see little babies that would be Eli's age today. It is too painful. Somedays I might be ok, some days I am not.
You probably do not understand where I am coming from, and that is a good thing because it means you have never had to say goodbye to your baby or bury one of your children.
If I decline an invitation to your baby shower, it isn't because I am not happy for you. You are my friend and I wish you well. I simply know my own limits. I know that sitting in a room full of women talking about a living baby for 2 or 3 hours would crush me. I know that all of the games, gifts and decorations will be a trigger. Instantly I would be taken back to April 24th, the day my baby died and I had to lock up all of the baby clothes and toys we had bought for him. We had to close the door to his nursery that had just been painted 3 days prior. A baby shower would be an instant reminder of my own baby shower that had to be cancelled three weeks early due to my Eli passing away. Baby showers in general are something that I have to avoid.
I would gladly buy you a gift for your little one if there was something you needed. I will be there for you if you need to talk to someone, but certain things are not possible for me at this point in time.
Do not feel guilty that your little one has lived. Do not feel ashamed to show your love for your baby in front of me. That love is natural and beautiful.
I would never wish a stillbirth on anyone, so I am very happy that you didn't have to experience this.
Yes, you are my friend, yes I still love you. You are important to me, but there is a part of me that will never be the same, and I hope you can understand.
From one Momma to another,
Heidi
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