Six Months Without You
I will always wonder what you would have been. Would you be a baby who sleeps through the night? What little personality quirks would I be seeing right now?
Perhaps we would have started you on baby food. We could be watching you squirm as you experience new tastes that you are unsure of.
You would be snuggled up next to the little stuffed owl that Grammy bought for you as it played soothing lullabies.
I would be dressing you in the tiny suits and outfits that Daddy picked out for you just two days before we found out you had died. He was so sure that you were going to be a boy, and he was right.
You would be filling our home with excitement and joy. Instead of feeling an emptiness in our house, we would be hearing giggles and cries. We would be spending lots of time in your freshly painted nursery, instead of avoiding the room at all costs. We would be learning to become more confident as parents each day, instead of feeling the dread of not knowing why our life has turned this way.
Did God not think we were ready for you? Have I done some terrible deed in this life that resulted in not being allowed to keep you and watch you grow up? What have we done to deserve this?
I waited so long to be a Mom. When we finally discovered we were expecting you, many thoughts went through our mind. The last thing we ever expected was that we wouldn't get to bring you home. I don't know if we spent enough time at the hospital with you. Our prenatal classes prepared us to bring you home and take care of you. Nothing could have prepared us for having to leave the hospital without you and bury you the next day.
Grief is strange. Sometimes terrible thoughts enter my mind and plague me, even though I know I shouldn't be asking such questions, or thinking such thoughts.
I am not depressed; I do not need mental help. I am working through my feelings and emotions. I am learning to be thankful in ALL things.
God has given us Eli, and God has called him home. I am learning each day that He has a plan for us. Eli was not a boy who was "never meant to be". God makes no mistakes, and he allowed Eli to be a part of our lives for a short time.
Thank you God, for our son. Please heal our hearts, as we know we will get to see him again some day.
Perhaps we would have started you on baby food. We could be watching you squirm as you experience new tastes that you are unsure of.
You would be snuggled up next to the little stuffed owl that Grammy bought for you as it played soothing lullabies.
I would be dressing you in the tiny suits and outfits that Daddy picked out for you just two days before we found out you had died. He was so sure that you were going to be a boy, and he was right.
You would be filling our home with excitement and joy. Instead of feeling an emptiness in our house, we would be hearing giggles and cries. We would be spending lots of time in your freshly painted nursery, instead of avoiding the room at all costs. We would be learning to become more confident as parents each day, instead of feeling the dread of not knowing why our life has turned this way.Did God not think we were ready for you? Have I done some terrible deed in this life that resulted in not being allowed to keep you and watch you grow up? What have we done to deserve this?
I waited so long to be a Mom. When we finally discovered we were expecting you, many thoughts went through our mind. The last thing we ever expected was that we wouldn't get to bring you home. I don't know if we spent enough time at the hospital with you. Our prenatal classes prepared us to bring you home and take care of you. Nothing could have prepared us for having to leave the hospital without you and bury you the next day.
Grief is strange. Sometimes terrible thoughts enter my mind and plague me, even though I know I shouldn't be asking such questions, or thinking such thoughts.
I am not depressed; I do not need mental help. I am working through my feelings and emotions. I am learning to be thankful in ALL things.
God has given us Eli, and God has called him home. I am learning each day that He has a plan for us. Eli was not a boy who was "never meant to be". God makes no mistakes, and he allowed Eli to be a part of our lives for a short time.
Thank you God, for our son. Please heal our hearts, as we know we will get to see him again some day.
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