Lullabies make me think of you

A year has come and gone since you died, my precious Eli. A year, 1 month, 12 days and 14 hours since you were born into this world. You entered our world silently. 

Your father and I recall the day so vividly. The delivery room was incredibly dark. The nurses fell silent. We cried, but you did not. 

You now have a little brother who has outlived you. I hold him close every night. 

I give him kisses. I tell him about his older brother in heaven. 

Eli, I love you and your brother Tobias so much. Singing to him and snuggling him remind me of all of the moments I no longer get to experience with you. 

I play lullabies for Tobias, and they still make me cry. 

You see, as much as I love your brother, you were the first little boy I ever sang lullabies to. 

I will always love you both. I will try to put on a brave face for Tobias so he can enjoy the lullabies too. 

Someone told me today, "You are allowed to be sad and happy at the same time." 

This must be true. I am over the moon happy, and still longing to hold you. 

Lullabies will always remind me of you.